He cried because there was nothing he could do. He held her soft, pale hand – fingers locking, embracing for the last time – and kissed her forehead. She was the most beautiful girl. There could be no other. Her brown hair flowed and undulated, her slim figure trembled and moaned. But her eyes were so alive.
“I love you,” she said softly. He knew it was the sickness speaking. Still, he could not stop his heart from breaking.
She leaned up and placed her mouth against his. He felt her lips, dry and cracked. He stared into her face and tried to burrow deep within the skin, wrap himself in it, become lost and forever and infinite, joined together with the one he loved. She moved her head down and caressed his fingers. “You’re so beautiful.”
The sunlight cast a warm glow over them. How ironic. How perfect. How horrible. There had to be something he could hold onto, something real. She was leaving. Why did she have to leave? Why had the world been so cruel to her? He hated them. He hated their lack of forgiveness. How could they not understand? She was never coming back.
He had to hang onto her. He had to let her go. He had to let her go. Life was too beautiful to keep fucking up, she’d say. There was nothing to understand, no damage to erase. It was time.
“Do you think I’ll see Clare?”
I don’t know.
“I hope there isn’t anything after. I hope it’s just black. Nothing.”
Why?
“You’re the only one that understands. I need you.”
If you needed me, you wouldn’t kill yourself.
“You’re the nicest boy I’ve ever known. There’s no one else like you. No one.”
Don’t go.
“This is how it has to be.”
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I'm a little confused. It was a very powerful, moving piece, but unless I'm reading wrongly, I can't see the suicide part. Maybe making it a little clearer?
But I definitely liked the parts Shriek pointed out, as well as the questioning area.
"Why did she have to leave? Why had the world been so cruel to her? He hated them. He hated their lack of forgiveness. How could they not understand? She was never coming back."
You have a lot of skill when to comes to drawing in and holding a reader, though, and for that I congratulate you.
Hmm. This was very well written. As for the actual plot, it was lacking.
I hate walking out of a story and having to ask, "Okay, what the heck just happened here?" I mean, sure, I know the girl committed suicide, and I know the boy felt torn between letting her go and keeping her for himself, and I know for a fact that the girl was beautiful--but what else is there? What were her motivations for killing herself? How did she killer herself? Who is Clare?
It was well written, but this peice cannot stand on its own without more information.
As for some things that I really liked about this:
"The sunlight cast a warm glow over them. How ironic. How perfect. How horrible."
Mm, so good.
“Do you think I’ll see Clare?”
I don’t know.
“I hope there isn’t anything after. I hope it’s just black. Nothing.”
Why?
“You’re the only one that understands. I need you.”
If you needed me, you wouldn’t kill yourself.
“You’re the nicest boy I’ve ever known. There’s no one else like you. No one.”
Don’t go.
“This is how it has to be.”
I liked this question-answer format. It was very plain and simple, yet powerful all the same.
Nice work.
Thanks.
Wow, that was depressing, but sweet too, somehow. I liked how the reader was inside the main charecter's head. Maybe you could put what he is thinking in italics though, it would make it clearer. Is it a finished product or are you planning to write more? It would be cool either way. I'm curious about the lead up to this moment, but I think adding onto the end would wreck the conclusion.
“I love you.” She said softly.
This should be; “I love you,” she said softly. (I think.)